“You’d be so pretty if you looked like your sisters…”
“The unfortunate looking girl with a urgent need for dentistry…”
“Do you collect ugly people now…”
“You’re not pretty enough to be a DJs girlfriend…”
“You’re only jealous because I look like I do and you’re a washed up, single Mum who looks like..that”
“Alright ugly, put your teeth back in…”
What you’ve just read isn’t a figment of your imagination. Nor is any of it something you’ve heard in a novel or a magazine. These are comments that have either been said directly to me or about me.
Now I’m not writing this post for a pity party, I don’t want sympathy or reassurance. What I want from this post is for people to think before they comment on someone’s appearance. Think about the impact it has on someone, think about the long term damage it can cause a person and most importantly, imagine you were saying these words to your children (although one of those comments was actually said to me by my Mum so I know exactly the impact it causes) or, if you’re not a parent, imagine sitting face to face with your best friend, trading insults with each other like those above. You just wouldn’t do it. So why, why do we do it to other people?
I’ve written a blog post before about body confidence and yes, at times, I’m having to read my blog back to remind myself that I need to stop beating myself up but, this is something totally different. This post, is about what can cause that lack of confidence in a person.
I have always sworn by one statement – “You can be the prettiest girl on the outside but if your heart and personally don’t match, it makes those looks fade into the background and gives you an ugly soul”
I cannot stand people that think it’s ok to refer to someone by their hair colour for example. Recently, someone on Instagram referred to a child as a “ginger little fuck”, it annoyed me so I challenged her on it but she wasn’t backing down so I realised unfortunately, some people cannot see the wrong in their words and that right there, is an ugly soul. Another example was seeing a Facebook post where someone referred to a curvy woman as being “larger than life and, too fat for the aisle in a shop”. And right there, is another ugly soul.
Since when did it become ok to shame people like that, and since when was it ok to write such things for people’s entertainment? For me, it’s far from funny to read. If your idea of being hilarious is by putting someone else down, then you have a serious problem and the personality police WILL knock on your door eventually.
I’m not innocent. I have said some terrible things in a heat of the moment fit of anger during an argument but it takes a lot of shit for me to fire off, I’m not proud of my acid tongue but it’s there, and it’s a trait of my Mothers that I’m not proud to have inherited. I fully appreciate that I need to understand that just because people think it’s acceptable to treat me like shit, doesn’t mean it warrants a reaction, it and they, aren’t worth it.
How many times a day do we comment on someone’s pictures and tell them they are beautiful? Do we even know that person? Do we know what that person is capable of saying or doing to hurt someone else’s feelings? I mean, yes, I’m all in favour of praising others and building confidence but, should we be saying something different? I know it’s natural to comment on someone’s outer beauty but I for one, lately have become concerned that I may be feeding an ego that really, didn’t need feeding?
There’s such a fine line isn’t there? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not on some one woman crusade to change the way we view others, I understand and accept that unfortunately, nothing and nobody can change the way we view “pretty” except for ourselves.
So what is pretty/beautiful/stunning/gorgeous?
My idea of a beautiful person is someone who is kind, unselfish, someone who puts others needs before her own, is always the first to compliment someone where it’s due, someone who helps the old lady across the road as others just walk on by, someone who has a tenderness about them, always has something nice to say rather than constantly negative, someone who is there at the drop of a hat for you, someone who makes the world a better place purely for just existing. (As I write these things, I realise I’m literally describing my best friend Sam and that makes me proud)
(Yes, that red hair disaster was me)
We need to accept that every spiteful thing we say about someone, has a lasting impact. All those unkind things about my looks have left a little dent in my self confidence. I can’t forget them and I see them across my forehead each time I look in a mirror. I have let peoples perseption of what I look like, alter the way I see myself and that’s a shame because so many others have said such sweet things to me yet I barely remember them. I only remember the horrible things. It’s a mindset I cannot get out of and I know others are probably in the exact same boat. Let’s think before we speak. Rather than put someone down, let’s find a way to build each other up. Rather than look at the person who looks strikingly beautiful on social media and gets 200 comments a day telling them so, let’s build up the ones who seems to only get the negative feedback, let’s build up the ones who never seem to get a compliment (those are the ones that bloody deserve it the most, the ones who don’t realise who beautiful they really are) . That all sounds like I’m contradicting myself I know, but sometimes, even just commenting on a lovely smile can build up someone’s confidence and maybe even alter there inner pretty. Get to know them before we tell them how “beautiful” they are.
We are a society that is so absorbed with how we look, we are guilty of neglecting our inner pretty. I know I have been of late, which is why I just cut out the negative people from my life without hesitation.
I don’t know if this post is going to mean anything to anyone at all, I doubt it will change one persons opinion but for me, as long as I continue to stand by my words, I know I am making a teeny weeny bit of a difference.
Each and everyone of us are different. That’s a given. If we were all made the same, the world would be a boring place. But it’s our quick mouths that can turn us into the same, mean and spiteful people. We are all capable of being a beautiful person so long as we filter those our mouths and don’t seek out to make others feel bad about themselves.To the people who said those horrible things, I’d be lying if I said I can forgive you, I can’t, I’m not there yet because for as long as I can’t forget, I’m not being forgiving. I just hope that one day, you may read this post and realise just how ugly your words were and the damage you did with them. I hope one day, you become pretty on the inside.
Have a beautiful day.