Food, Fat Cells & Fucking Cellulite.

Alright My Lovers…
Look at that photo above. Tell me what you see?

Do you see the cellulite in my legs? Do you see the bingo wings? Or do you see those rolls of back fat creeping round? What about that belly over hang or the stretch marks on my hip? And then there’s the arse. My big, cellulite filled arse that doesn’t even really have a proper shape.

That is what I used to see every time I looked in the mirror.


Now what do you see other than a shit load of logs?

You see ME right?

Wrong.

The very first picture is ME.

For some people, baring all like I just have would be considered a brave move, gutsy even. But why is it? 

Why is it brave for a women just to be her bloody self? Why is it gutsy to show off your natural figure to the world. It’s not brave, it’s not gutsy. It’s being REAL.

My name is Emma and I’m a secret eater.

There. I said it. I have a problem with food of the sugary variety. I hide chocolate in my handbag, under the sofa, in a bag at the bag of the food cupboard, fuck. I even hide it in my knicker drawer. I bet if you went in there now, you’d find a bar of fudge.

I have spent hours over the years,  looking in the mirror and hating my reflection. I hated that I couldn’t wear pretty crop tops in case people commented on my belly or my stretch marks, I hated it recently that I can’t wear pretty midi scuba skirts because my ankles seem to have forgotten that I stopped being pregnant 13 years ago. I hated my cellulite for making my body look like I’d been wrapped in orange peel. 

I. Just. Hated. Everything. And I hate it even more when these flaws are pointed out to me by other people.

I’m guilty of being judgemental at times. In reality, we are all judgemental at some point or other. We analyse the people we see in the street and judge them for their love of fake tan, we judge the woman who wears loves her leggings so much, her arse has begun to eat them, we judge the man who has a beer belly in place of where a six pack is allegedly suppose to be. We judge all the time and we don’t even realise it.

Now imagine if all those people stood face to face with us and we had to say those words out loud, or go one better, imagine someone was stood in front of your child saying those things to him or her?

I can’t imagine it because it’s not a nice thought.

We have become an ugly society and that’s the harsh reality of it. We have spent so long judging other people that we then in turn, begin judging ourselves and that’s where the real problems sit.

This world we live in has now fully accepted that it’s ok to body shame. Well it’s not ok. And it will never be ok. 

It worries me that we spend so long hating our bodies, dieting and over analysing, that it eventually will rub off on our children. And so the cycle continues. It’s never going to end.

I tell myself constantly that I’m fat. I seek the reassurance of Paul and worse than that, I seek the reassurance of the kids. Nev is forever getting pissed off at me for asking if I look fat in my dress or if my jeans are too tight. I need to stop. Eventually, the tables will turn and I will be the frustrated and concerned Mother trying to change my daughters perception of herself. And who will be guilty of giving her that mindset? Me.

As I said, I’m a secret eater. I’m an emotional eater. I’m an over eater. I’m all the titles to do with eating that I can think of. But I don’t want to stop. I could, but I don’t want to. I know my weight fluctuates from 10 stone to just under 11 but that’s ok, my body has been through hell over the years. Meningitis, child birth, miscarriage (I’ve lost count of how many considering half of them I didn’t even realise at the time), hysterectomy and now menopause. My body has stood through some trials and will no doubt face more yet I don’t respect it? I criticise it constantly and put it down.

Today I took a photo of me crossed legged on the floor, I was looking at the photo and the first thing that I spotted was a stretch mark. As I was about to delete it something went off in my head and I realised that I need to start loving my body. We ALL need to start loving our bodies. Yes it’s ok to not like yourself at times but it’s not ok to constantly punish ourselves for not having THE perfect body shape. There’s no such fucking thing. Our own body shape is perfect.

From now on, I’m going to look st my body in a different light. 

I’ve got stretch marks on my tits. That’s a reminder of how I breast fed Nev and laughed shitloads at the way I could “piss milk” from my nips and write my name with it on the shower door.

I have cellulite on my arse and my legs. That’s perfectly ok, it’s a little reminder that I’m normal. 

My belly paunch or, my gunt as I like to call it. That was my daughters first home. It was were I kept her safe for 9 months, its the place where she became the only person to hear the REAL sound of my heartbeat. 

My ankles are chunky. But I can still walk and that reminds me I’m lucky to have my freedom.

Every part of my body, our bodies, tells a story. We should embrace that. We should love the fact that our partners love our bodies the way they are. It’s not easy I know, and there will be days when I will still ask Paul if I’m fat and I will still want to wear that scuba skirt but, I’m going to try. 

And another thing, I’m going to try my hardest not to filter the fuck out of myself on every photo, or try to stand at a certain angle so you can’t see my gunt in my jeans. 

I’m going to stick by my motto:

Nice photos don’t always mean nice people. 

Time to stop obsessing over peoples perception of what I look like and take that fudge bar out of my knicker drawer. 

My name is Emma and I love food, fat and fucking cellulite.

Love

Emma

Xox

P.S, when I say I’m normal, I only mean I’m body shape.

8 Comments

  1. This is just what I needed to read as I am always obsessing over my weight, I really do need to start loving myself
    Thanks emma 😍😍

    Like

    1. Hi Louise. I’m glad you enjoyed it, life really is too short to spend obsessing over our weight. Whilst we are focusing on our bodies, we are miss some of the best moments xx

      Like

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