Always Be Frigid…

14582347_713057582177913_1333622963571785728_nAn Open Letter to Nev, Nell & Emily…

Dear my gorgeous girls.

I say ‘MY’ girls because although you have the most amazing Mums, to me, you are more than Nevs best friends, you have become a part of our family. The second Nev joined your school, you became a little unit and I just knew, you three would always be close, it’s my hope it stays that way for many years to come. Our door will always be open for you and you will be welcome in our house anytime you like, it’s quite simple really, Paul and I adore you.

I have always been very open and honest with you Nev, I have always been told I probably tell you too much and sometimes , you tend to take on my problems, when I was ill, you were so protective of me and looked after me the best a young girl possibly could. When I was in a toxic relationship it was you who would take me aside and tell me who much you just wanted it to be us again, it was you who was vocal enough to lay your feelings on the line to both me and him. You were like my very own bodyguard. And those were the times that I knew, you were going to be different, you would always be the girl who stood out, didn’t follow a crowd and would respect yourself.

There are times when you seem so far away and I wonder what you are thinking, what could be going through your thirteen year old head. Being an over thinker, I picture all kinds of scenarios. Are you mad at me? Did I say something wrong? I panic that you’re being bullied again or that something massive has happened and you can’t find the words to tell me but, the thought that hits me the hardest is the one that hits me right in the heart, the thought that makes my stomach lurch and fills my eyes with tears. It’s a thought that I know will be reality someday and no matter what I do, no matter how many threats of sending you to a convent or locking you in a room for life, it’s going to happen.

You are going to suffer your first heartbreak.

People always look at your photo and tell me how stunning they think you are, naturally, I show off and tell them what an amazing girl you are, how grounded and focused you are and how you’re not interested in having a boyfriend. People laugh in my face and tell me that you’re thirteen, you’re bound to have a boyfriend you have kept secret. Maybe you have. But, I know you tell me everything and if that’s still the case, I know that right now, you’re very much single.

I’m going to confess something to you now, and you probably wont like it. I already hate your boyfriend (I also hate the second, third and fourth boyfriend you will have) Yep, I hate the boyfriend that doesn’t yet exist. I absolutely despise the little bastard. You’re going to think you’re in love with him after two weeks and believe he’s the best thing since sliced bread. Let me make it clear, you wont be in love with him, it’s an infatuation and he’s actually cheap, mouldy bread that’s not even worth rescuing by cutting off the crusts. This boy is going to tell you all the things you want to hear because he wants to stick his hands in your bra and brag to his mates about it and then he’s going to break your heart, because he can. There wont be a reason for it, he’s just going to do it for kicks and then move onto the next girl. You’ ll feel like you’ve had your heart ripped out and you’re probably going to cry for days over it and send endless snapchats to your girls with that bloody dog filter that you know I hate, with a simple “why me” caption. Don’t even bother wasting your data on the little prick.

Nev, Emily and Nell. Tonight you sat in our car when we picked you up from dance and made my heart-break a little, just as you did a few days ago Nell when Nev came home and told me how people had laughed at you at school for being the trendiest kid in class rocking space buns. Let me tell you, space buns are a seriously strong look right now. Trust me, it’s not a look every girl can pull off. I genuinely believe Paul could pull it off better than me if I tried to do it. Nobody in this world has the right to put you down for daring to stand out from the crowd and be different, just as nobody has the right to make you cry over it. I don’t want to encourage you to swear, mainly because I love your Mum and don’t want her to think I’m a bad example but seriously, if that situation ever occurs again, whether it’s come from the ugly mouth of a girl or a boy, look them in the eye, smile sweetly and say “Piss off Princess” because trust me, arseholes like that can’t handle a pretty girl with sass.

Tonight you told me how boys keep calling the three of you girls frigid because unlike other girls in your year group, you understand that being sexually active at 13 really isn’t all that cool. Trust me, that’s the BEST compliment you could be given at your age. Being called frigid beats being called a slag any day of the week. When they call you frigid it’s because those spotty little dickheads have realised that no matter how hard they try, they can’t cop a feel. They know not to even try because you have respect for yourself. I’m so proud of you girls for being ‘frigid’. In fact, I want to buy you t-shirts to declare it to the world that you girls love yourself enough to know that your virginity is yours to keep until you are ready. But I wont because apparently, that’s just not cool. Space buns yes, Frigid t -shirts are a firm no.

I was 16 when I thought I was in love (I told you this tonight). His name was Max and he was 19, he had his own car and I thought he was everything. I made the mistake of losing my virginity to him within weeks of dating him. It lasted less than five minutes in his bedroom while he played STEPS “5,6,7,8” in the background. If I’d have known that song was going to be the anthem for my first time, I wouldn’t have bothered. Once it was over, I went to work at the local chippy and spent the whole shift in pain, wondering if sex was meant to be like that? When I went back to sixth form day after, a lad in my class told me how Max had bragged that he’d made me bleed and how it lasted for hours. Well only one of those statements was true and it certainly wasn’t the latter. Days later, I dumped him when I found out he actually had a girlfriend and they had a little girl together.

What I’m trying to say is this. Not only should you not trust guys who still listen to Steps but, boys will tell you what they want to hear, they will tell you all the things that will get you into bed and once it’s done, it’ll be onto the next. Ok, not all boys are like that so don’t ge tit twisted, but, the majority are and that’s why it’s important to wait. A boy who really cares won’t give two shits if you make him wait a year, in years to come, you will be the one he talks to his wife about when he talks about his memories of his first love, he won’t remember the girl who put out so easily. If he saw the easy girl in the street, do you think he’d point her out to his wife and say how good she was at hockey? No. He will point her out and say how she was a bit free with the boys. That is a label she will never shift.

A boy will always remember the one who said no. Be THAT girl. Even if it means you are the last three in the year to pop your cherry, so what? Losing your virginity should be a beautiful thing, it’s not about fitting in with the others. Don’t let it be something ugly.

What I love most about you girls is that you are already strong, independent women and I’m not even sure you realise it. Sometimes I hear you girls in discussion and can’t help but chuckle, you’re so opinionated and wise yet so naive and it’s so endearing. The three of you have your own style, Nell, I wish I was brave enough to wear your shaped glasses, and the next time someone says you look like Harry Potter? Take it as a compliment, everyone loves Harry.

And Emily, if you get told again that you look like a farmer in a pinafore? Don’t worry, we’d be screwed without farmers, we’d never survive! I know you are going through some tough times right now and I will always be here if you need me, you’re being so brave and I admire you in so many ways.

Being a teenager is going to be tough girls, I don’t ever want to be that age again I can tell you, but, if you stick together, you can do it, you can do anything you want.

I’m so proud to be your Mum Nev, even on the days you piss me off for using all the towels and leaving them on the banister soaking wet. You’re all the things I wish I could be. I know sometimes you think I’m embarrassing but that’s honestly my job. Being your Mother is what I live for, it’s what gets me through the day and if that means I get to embarrass you sometimes, well that’s just payback for the stretch marks and the gut-gunt that I can’t get rid of no matter how many tea bags that make me shit for England I use.

When the time comes, I will pretend to like you boyfriends because I would do anything for you and, when he breaks your heart, I will be there with tissues to dry your tears, I’ll watch The Notebook with you and remind you how there is love out there, we can eat chocolate and shut ourselves away from the world for as long as you need to. But just know that I will be here for you and I will never say I told you so.

Enjoy being you my girls, be beautiful, be feral and wild, be individual, be strong, be brave, be courageous, be courteous of others, be kind, be honest and open but most importantly, be frigid.

I love you tonnes.




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